Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
