So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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