Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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