I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
