Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
