we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
