Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
