Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
