If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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