i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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