Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Say something about gay babies.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
