You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I need a beard to bite.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
