I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
