Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
