I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
