someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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