Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
