I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize