It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
There r osticjed everywhere
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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