Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My vagina is very pro this idea
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
