Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
