There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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