you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize