I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
