Moan for me like Helen Keller
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize