Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
