i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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