I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
