This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
