weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
