last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
