Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
