Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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