Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Randomize
