She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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