he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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