You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
