My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
