O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize