3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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