so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
