If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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