Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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