DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
