i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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