Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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