He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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