I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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