When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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