i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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