So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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