I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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