he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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