when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
