I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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