thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
