I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
