I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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